New Year

What are your plans for the New Year? Could it be the same plans that you had for last years? Start the New Year fresh and determined to make a change in some thing that you have been wanting to do.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Jamaicans can sing. #TeamTessanneChin bring home the prize. You got it girl!

THE WORD FOR TODAY, AFFLUENZA

Affluenza only works for Humans not for animals. If you Kill four dogs, two cats, a monkey, three bears and a skunk, don't stop on Go, don't stop on the railroad, nor Pennsylvania Ave. Don't even stop by the jail. Go straight to prison, for life. Affluenza, sounds ebonic or like the flu. A word that will save your tail from a stay in a cell. Somebody reached waaay down and found Affluenza. This word shocked many people, even other Law Officials. Just when they thought, they knew it all. They were puzzled with the word Affuenza. Never was one of my vocabulary words in High School or College. What you think about it?

WHEN LIFE SPEAKS

It's a sad day across the globe. A nation is shook and grieves from the death of one man that stood for equality and justice for all. Rest in peace Nelson Mandela Your living was not in vain.

I AM A COMEDIAC

People have my profession twisted. Last time I checked with myself I wasn't Dr. Phil, Oprah, or a Catholic Preist. I don't look down into crystal balls to tell someone how many Serial Killer lovers they will meet in their life time or what house number to play for the lottery.

I am a Comediac that brings laughter to the stage. Nor am I God. I think many people think I can part a red sea, cure the dumb and make a blind person see their own death trap. Many people only heard of me parting a scalp with Yaky1B hair, feeding a couple of hungry souls from the hood and cured a couple of colds with onions, garlic, a hint of honey and white lighting.

GOBBLE, GOBBLE

I would like to wish "everyone" here and far A HAPPY THANKSGIVING! The Holidays has been known to add on extra pounds. Enjoy your meal, but please stuff the turkey, don't overstuff yourself.

WEEKEND

It's the weekend,enjoy the moment and Rock Your Happiness.

Make It A Great Day

Gooodmorning gorgeous and pretty faces and all Hair Hats. Today is a great day and if it's not make it a great day.

LIFE

Life is filled with thorns, mountains and wolves, no matter the height, keep pushing.

EBT PLATINUM

MY REALITY T.V. ROLE

I have always wanted to be in some type of action or hardcore movie/t.v. role. So when I'm on the East Side part of town (in my city), I get excited. I always say; this is my only chance to shine and be in a real life action movie. That part of town is off the chain. It's so off the chain, it's just like being on the real t.v. set of THE WIRE. I get so caught up on the things that happen at the shopping centers, I bring out my acting training. I like to play the woman in the weave store. Asian lady say; (in her language) "no it $5.99". I respond, "lady ain't no Fri Ri up in here, this a weave store". "I didn't say I was hungry, stop playing with me".People look at me like, where you come from? When did you become apart of the set? It's called acting role, make up your own, do whatcha ya do. Sometimes I play the scared role, instead of walking home needing a bullet proof vest. I play the girl walking to her car with Family Dollar shopping bag over her chest, just incase someone bust a cap, thinking I'm walking home from school with my bookbag passing all the bad guys. Shotout to my asian friends at East Winston. I love Kim and her family. They think I have asian in me because my eyes slant a little. I just turned out a lil darker, but I would love to be Willed some weave, cell phone, car inheritance, ETC. Asians own everything in America except for a rap group and rock band. They good people.

RISE & SHINE

It's the beginning of the week, smile and enjoy your week until Friday. Then, the weekend let loose.

WHO YOU FOOLING? WE KNOW THAT'S NOT YOUR CHILD.

No need to lie. Everybody know that is not your child. Look at that baby hair. It's soft like cotton and slippery. Your hair, it has kinks, a kitchen and rolling tumble weeds.

THE BEAUTY IN IT

It's a beautiful thing when people can come together in unity. Keep unity in rotation.

One Good Reason to Stay Lock and Loaded

So, I read a newspaper article stating monkeys that have been locked in research for many years, scientist will be releasing them. (My response: who and when?) Not only are they releasing the monkeys, but the amount they are releasing in society. (My response: how many?) 310 monkeys that never have been in society will be released.

Now we all know everyone is working on a budget and talking about the economy is not going great. "Hey", the government having a hard time giving people their unemployment. So, do you really think scientist and government are about to board 310 monkeys on a airplane and take them to a jungle? Do you know how much that would cost? Now this is one good reason to keep a gun on hand. Stay lock and loaded. Don't be surprised if you driving down the road and see a family of monkeys taking a stroll down the street. You might come outside your house and have some in your yard swinging by the vines. I don't have time to be fighting monkeys, this is not Trinidad.

Paula Deen Slave Mentality

Alot of people mad with Paula Deen. Some knew she was a races when her cooking show began. All I'm saying is, how can you be mad with her? She didn't know slavery was over. Paula Deen just cosigning on something, alot of black folks in the South have been saying for several years. Slavery still exist. Somebody need to go check her house. She may have some old sisters living in her house as maids singing some old spiritual hymns.

That apology she gave didn't seem real either. That slave owner was just trying to stay on the network and didn't want to loose black business. She know black folks love soul food. That's where she probably got the receipes from, from the old maids stuck living in her house. The ones she refuse to let out, except to hang sheets on the line, feed the cows and pick cotton. "HUH'! They in Louisiana and sometimes in Georgia. Everything about slavery still exist in those two States.

LAUGHTER

Laughter is good for the soul. It's great to know that we still have life. If you don't have botox, you should stretch those muscles LIVE and "Laaaaugh" out loud!

The Old Plan Is Better

Book Me

If you are seeking great talent for your upcoming event, well pop your collar. I have a message and laughs for any event. Find me on gigsalad.com and allow the fun to begin.

Dirty Ways Have Caught Up With Many and Have to End

New cell phone surveillance put an end to alot of people talk dirty after dark calls. At this moment many secret lovers revamping new plans to continue to talk in secret. It does not matter if you switch phones to talk or change services, Obama is on the other end listening saying; "We as American People Need to Change".

Jesus Call Exposed

I use to dial Jesus in secret, now everyone will know when I call him up. Due to the new Surveillance Law with the Government.

What Happen To My Tip?

As much as I love bird, chicken, another plant goes up in smoke. I wonder why no one told me they were going to set the chicken plant on fire? Somebody could have sent me a tip, atleast a e-mail. All that fried bird and I wasn't invited to the barbecue. All the chicken that went up in smoke was a waste. That was enough chicken to send to a hungry village, have several left overs and cookouts. I can't do nothing but imagine the good taste that went up in flames.

Things That Make You Mad

People so bold now, especially when it comes to being free. Some people just too free. I can't stand when someone pass gas, especially when it's sooo powerful. The ones that smell like someone backed a garbage truck up to your face. I get mad because the smells are so strong, I know I could have filled up my gas tank with it. I get left with a sad face because that's a whole tank of gas just gone, vaporized in the air. That's how powerful some people are.

Top Signs Your House Is Set Up Like A Police or FBI Precent for Facebook/Twitter

1. They have special victims they target (they are Fans and Haters, at the same darn time)

2. The come in groups of three or more and stay glued to facebook/twitter all day looking for new information

3. When new information come through, they hit "LIKE" and phone their crew, that are on their page to read the message

4. They kids think facebook/twitter is their mom full time job. They mad cause mom working to many hours. They cooking cereal and boiling milk because they hungry and malnurished since  facebook/twitter came on the scene.

5. They know everything their is about their Special Victim, WHEN, WHERE, HOW, THE ANCESTORS, THE KIDS MOTHER/FATHER,

 6. They ask other Facebook/Twitter friends questions about their SPECIAL VICTIM, then get together with their other colleagues and compair notes

7. When their victims post messages they go into other setup member pages and post information, trying to ruin their special victims name.

8. When one has down time, their is always one or more left on facebook/twitter recording all information

9. They send messages to your facebook page asking questions

10. They sit on your facebook/twitter page never saying anything, waiting for your next move

11. They deliver the wrong information, not knowing the true facts, but going off  what someone told them

12. Once they find out information, they get in their cars and go Snoop Driving

13. Instead of building their bridge, they try to bust in and tear down, what you try to build up

Eddie Murphy Donations

I thought it was a beautiful thing for Eddie Murphy to donate all his wigs from Vampire In Brooklyn to Mama D. on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta.  Mama D. must be proud.

When You Feel You Have It Rough

If you feel your life is terrible, unfair, bored or lacking. Look in another direction. Notice the person holding the sign, with no house, not a drink of water, food, a bath or peace. Be grateful, it could be you.

RAH RAH KIDS

If your kids are at home taking Nodoze, drinking Monsters and Red Bull, waiting for you to come home from your all night rondivoo celebration "YOU" are dead wrong. Five year old talking about, "AAAH", it taste just like KoolAide.

If you are sleep while your five and seven year old are awake and partying off  Independant Woman (watching videos), you are dead wrong.

This is a public announcement, baby formula is high, but Flour water and syrup is not the new baby formula. Stop hoodwinking these babies.

Hood Moment

It's after one o'clock in the morning. I'm driving down the road and see kids, babies on the street talking about "yo", "yo". I am so angry because I'm wondering where the parents are. I feel like snatching all of them up and drive them to their address. I stopped  and asked, why they were out so late and where they parents were. The seven year old says; "we wear thousand dollar watches, you don't even know". "We wear thousand dollar shoes, you don't even know". "We got million dollar houses, you don't even know".

I was like, "for real", can I get a job? Where do I apply?

Stay Up!

Inhale... Exhale... we still breathing. Stay up on your good foot or stay down. New Week, "let's get it".

What Happen to Lotion?

I take it, everyone does not use lotion? On the other hand, maybe people buy the cheap stuff. Well, I have bought a cheap brand of lotion and it has worked better than high price lotion.
So, there is a guy directly in front of me working. I'm looking at him like... speechless, I wonder what could be wrong? This guy either needs water or he's a new shade of color I have not seen before. He is the color of my steering wheel. Look as if he just stepped off the mother ship and has been tossing flour or sand. Please Know, I'm not being judgemental or against color, I'm just saying; brother need some lotion.

Back On The Scene

So, I have not been on the scene of my blog in several weeks. So much has been going on in the world, I had to "pause", for a moment. Life is like a roller coaster. Life for some can be an enjoyment, many living for a healthy cause, support of others and next thing you know, here comes bad news. Through it all, we must learn to pray, pray, pray and keep pray. We must learn to live in this world in unity, peace and love everyone.

ACKNOWLEDGE

Today, have you given yourself encouragement and motivation? You deserve it. Go on, face yourself in the mirror, say; "wonderful, beautiful, gorgeous, blessed and I deserve the best, not mess." Continue to encourage yourself, if you don't who will?

A Full Size Happy Meal

On yesterday I was so grateful to hear some exciting, instead of hearing "can we collect this debt in the amount of...". I was rehearsing some lines and I received a phone call to appear in a major upcoming movie. "How big is that honey"? I said; my wait has not been in vein. I must be coming to the light Carol Ann.
Now that's what you call a Happy Meal with benefits. More news brought to you later. "Rrrr"!

Re-run Bio Introduction

STANDUP: Chicken Factories shutting down. If you didn't know, chickens are now equipped with that new technology. They have what you call radar. They have become smart now and they running, refusing to be eaten. Chickens have caught on to our underhanded ways and realize they are the best meal on Sunday Evening". "Every Chicken farm in the U.S. work overtime on Sunday", "just to give everyone a piece of bird on their dinner table". So, what I have decided to do is take inventory, by calculating the show of hands times the remaining Chicken Factories that are still open for business. I need to know, if I will be able to get my piece of chicken on next Sunday? I'm just being real. Can I be real with you?

When you think of creativity, inspiration, truth, and humor; “Realist” fits all the above. Known to many as a comediac, performer, writer, or spoken word artist, that speaks truth, with humor. "REALIST", delivers and set the atmosphere on stage with crazy life stories, an enjoyable atmosphere,with real life situasions. STANDUP: "Nothing like your car breaking down in morning traffic and people are cruel". People trying to get to work and you "were" trying to drive across town on E to pick up a number 3 breakfast value meal".

"Now you hitting the dash board mad", "wishing you stayed home", "while people behind you blowing the horn", "yelling profain language out the window". "We think of the most things to do when there is no gas in the car".

She can also be known as "The Renaissance Lady", do to her many talents. 

 She has lived the majority of her life on stage and behind the scenes of stage plays, novels, music, and background vocals. Born into a family of musicians, writers, and singers "REALIST", took the craft and turned it into more than a hobby. She is no stranger to her childhood love, the art of writing, singing, and performing, which she began at a very young age.

She reflects back on the many days, singing background, along with others, for her mother and family. 

"Realist" is a native of North Carolina, where she embrace the roots of the caribbean lifestyle.

She started her career at the age of ten and gives a lot of her credit to God and Mrs. Wanda Needham, her fifth grade teacher that admired her gift of writing, entering her into several writing and art contest. Her words of encouragment, "never to give up on writing", was branded in Realist heart.

"Realist" grasped those words of encouragment and turned her writing into a career. Writing poetry, novels, stageplays, entertainment scripts, advertisements, she masters it all.

Realist is active in her community, volunteering throughout her city, with non-profit organizations, helping with fundraisers, the homeless and families that are in need. Her volunteering extends far as Jamaica W.I. where she travels on a regular basis. She leader and holds many positions.

In her words, Life is not all about me, the little or big "I'" and "U". If you have a craft and gift to help someone, use it. If I can’t help someone along the way, then what am I here or living for? I love to teach and bring a positive message to everyone that has an ear to listen, especially our youth. “Inspite of what’s going on or wrong in our lives”, “we have to keep pushing”, no matter what the cost, "keep pushing".

Direction

Righ about now, I don't know which way to go. Should I blow with the wind or against the wind?

Current Project

Current Project is going "great". Who else could play a better homeless person?

Things a Man Should and Shouldn't Carry

With so many styles in the world, I wonder how so many people keep up. There is no wrong way, when it comes to style. In my book, do you, wear what you feel, long as you not naked. Some days I don't feel like looking for the right sock, shoe or finding the right color shirt to match my bottoms. After I leave the house, somedays it's quite noticable.

I often pass men that carry shoulder bags. These are men that are involved with woman, but the numbers seem to be expanding. I look to the left, then to the right... men with handbags, not diaper bags. I feel a man should keep a wallet. A wallet says; masculine and strong. When a man is holding a handbag, I feel if we get robbed, he's going to give up his handbag, run and leave me to defend myself.

I can't imagine being at a restaurant and he's about to pay for dinner, then say; "hold up, I need to grab my purse". Whatabout being at the store or movies with my man and we both rambling through our purse for money. You know how much stuff woman carry in their purse, except for the kitchen sink. If he has over three items in his bag and its not a book... a mirror, gum and chapstick, something wrong. He's not your man, he's your girlfriend. That's one sign, out of the other five you havn't caught on too, that he is trying to tell you something. And the sign is not, he checking you out, or love working on cars and playing football. Real men carry wallets.

Understanding of Comediac Realist

So, someone ask; "why do you call yourself Cooomediac Realist"?  It's because I bring real talk to the stage. I bring real life situasion to the forefront that most people don't talk about. The definition of Comediac means, performer with three or more acts. I'm an artist that bring more than one character to the stage. To sum it up, I have more than one personality at the right time. Sometimes the personalities show up to brighten up the atmosphere.

"SCARED TO EAT"?

Why some woman scared to eat in front of a man? If he does not like the way you chew, tell him. "food can only go one way". Tell him, "close his eyes or look the other way".  My friend was asked out on a date. I was happy for her because all she do is love and hug her sofa everyday, eating suga babies, chip, dip and cookies, watching Lifetime.
Heffa come back to the house hungry, talking about, "lets go get something to eat". I told her she didn't go on any date, he must have held her hostage, the entire date. Only hungry hostages and crack heads ramble and pace back and forth through cabinets and refrig, knowing the same items were there a minute ago.

I asked where did he take her. It had to be somewhere, where food was not present. My friends says; "she went to the finest restaurant, where only the big spender go". Her date told her, she could order anything from the menu. We talking, fifteen, twenty and thirty dollar plates, that's without the cost of drink. (Lol)

Why this heffa say; "she ordered a salad becaise she was scared to eat"? "WHAT"! You have sat in the house for 365 days eating ginger snaps and tootie rolls, wishing you could go on a date. You finally get a date and order a salad. Honey he can look at you and tell you eating more than salad at home.

I told her she should have ordered and saved it for one of her hungry attacks. So, I reached for a plate out the cabinet, put a doughnut, chip, dip and some ginger snaps on it and said; "I'm scared to go outside late at night, to get food, "goodnight". "See you in the morning".

Unbearable Wind

O.K. ladies, "hold on to your weave and wigs"! This wind is so unbearable, I can't keep my hair in place. I fill sorry for the ladies with the 10' inch an long weave. I know it's just slapping them all in the face. It's like wave tides out here in the streets.

Day of Life

Today was more than a pleasant day, it was a blessing to live above the soil. I searched my body over. I had the same amount of toes and fingers that I had the day before. Although, the air is polluted, I inhaled, then exhaled without suffering from any breathing complications. I could put one foot in front of the other and not stumble. Then I yelled to the atmosphere, "HELLO WORLD"! "IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE"! My voice sounded back. Once again, I yelled to the atmosphere and my voice sounded back. I'm awake, I'm alive, I can move and I'm here to survive.
Someone, somewhere wish they had good health, strength and the opportunity to do that much.
Live, Laugh, Love, Be Thankful

Things that Make You Say "Mmm"

Sights that blind you during a sunny day. I heard of women packing and stuffing coins, gift certificates, keys, money, whatever can fit in their breast. You know the bigger the breast, the more breast can tote around more items, like a tote bag. Never have I heard of anything such as food items or baby toys being carried around in woman breast, but everything has a first time. This girl just pulled a nasty magic trick, as if she was pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Tell me, she did not just pull a pacifier from her breast, then popped it into her babies mouth like she was feeding him a bottle? Baby frowned up, spits the pacifier back out like he wanted to tell mom a thing or too. That baby probably was saying; "this not Enfamil". "This is bitter tits, you not fooling nobody". Mom puts the pacifier back into her tote bag (her breast) for safe keeping. Maybe she has lost so many in the past and have to keep that one locked and sealed in a safe place. In the in end, I found out she wasn't the babies mother. "YUCK"!

Airplane Gone Wild

Can you say; "HOT WATER"? While many of us worry about safe arrivals at the next airport, these college students worry about getting their Harlem Shack, Shack on. The experience of turbulance added more fun and rythem to their Shack.You will never be able to say; no one has ever danced or moon walked on air. Only thing this plane was missing, was tinted windows and 20 inch rims. Could this be the new club in the future?

Searching

To many people out here searching for a spouse and a lover. "Watch Out", end up with a hungry person. To many people acting as if they have no food in their frig and eating people. What in the world is really going on? Do we as citizens, have to take up a love offering should animal control start detaining these hungry killers? I look at people now, as the hungry monster. I have to ask; "are you a cannabal"? "Do you eat people, stuff people in closets or the trunk of your car"?

Control

The world is on a bag of "CRA" "CRA". Life now, is like doing time with a little permission. Today, everyone walks around with a leash, you can't go but so far with your own life. So many people want control and a say in everybody business. They want control over your weight. If someone want to look like an overweight blimp ballon or a thin mint, that's their business. People want control on how much lettuce and meat to put between the bread, whether to wear a half dress or no shoes. Well, why these type people can't pay some money on our car payment, lower gas cost, pay some bills, education, then mind their own business?

How It Is

Negros leave you hanging until they lights or car payment is due. You can be sitting around for several months, a nat will not come your way. Soon as they get a bill that so high or run out of gas, they show up like they looking for a DVD. Talking about they been looking for it because they thought about having movie night. Their next line would be, "by the way, do you have two hundred I can borrow, my cable about to get snatched". The response; "Heck to the capital "H" no go find your DVD.

Happy Birthday

I woke up this morning, walked outside to get me a cold "pop". I said; "Oh Lord Jesus, "It's My Birthday"! I'm older and feel like a new baby. I'm 38, so that makes me the new 28, but without a 28 year old mine. "Oh No", 28 year olds thinking about tight pants and high skirts, while I'm thinking about Spanx.

It's good to be alive and celebrating.

Night of Glam "Grammy Night"

Grammys going on tonight. Everyone is walking the red carpet. If you did not get the memo, "Please", do not interrupt Taylor Swift acceptance speech. Lol

Headed South

The older you get, you have to work three times harder to keep from everything going south. When that doesn't work, it's time to stock up on duck tape, to do the lifts.

Super Bowl

This weekend the biggest game of the year takes place, the Mochos men (49ers) against the birds (Raven). "Let's Go 49ERS"!

Beat Me to The Punch

I've worked hard all my life. Why someone did not tell me, all I had to do was tie a scarf around my head and say; "Oh Lord Jesus It's a Fire". "I didn't grab my shoes or nothing". "I just ran for my life". "I got bronchitis"? "Ain't nobody got time for that".

The people that pull in money.

Live It Up

"Love The Life You Live". "Live The Life You Love".

Bob Marley

Invitation

(Looking Both Ways) I guess someone will be pulling up on this page in a minute. "Oh" here comes someone now. "Oh" wait! They went on Twitter and Facebook. Maybe next time. Until then I'll be here waiting and typing new comments. Have a great day.

Sleep Too Long

Well, sixteen days after the new year, I would like to say; Happy New Year. Hope you had a fabulastic Holiday and New Year.

I have been out of the country, where the sun and heat don't mine shining. I tried packaging some of the nice weather up and bringing it back to the States; but I couldn't catch it.

So, has anyone broke their New Years Resolution? One New Year Resolution that nevers work (maybe some) is going on a diet. How many people say; they going on a diet for the New Year and the third or fourth week they sitting at a all you can eat buffet table, explaining why you couldn't stay on your diet. They talking about, the doctor said; it's not good to starve yourself.